


letters are romantic, right?

by whatcaniwriteinthis



Series: kurotsukki week (and a half) 2016 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Character, Agender Kozume Kenma, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Awkwardness, Getting Together, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Dork, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Nerd, M/M, No one can convince me otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 22:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7456873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatcaniwriteinthis/pseuds/whatcaniwriteinthis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kuroo is stupid. did kenma ever expect anything else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	letters are romantic, right?

**Author's Note:**

> for kurotsukki week (and a half) days 9 and 10: parody

Kuroo Tetsurou is actually very smart. Kenma, after knowing him for several (long) years, can vouch for this. You would be hard pressed to find another person who is proficient not only magically, but also in the wide realm of Muggle sciences. Not many wizards are very willing to descend themselves to such Muggle things- especially not purebloods, but Kuroo does, and he does it quite regularly. He sees the value in learning from Muggles. He understands that much of magic can be understood through the world of science.

Kuroo Tetsurou is also very stupid. Kenma, after knowing him for several (long) years, can vouch for this. You would be hard pressed to find someone so smart who regularly does such stupid things. 

Kenma’s best example is the way Kuroo got a date with Tsukishima Kei. Honestly, you would think that after 17 years in the magical world Kuroo would have learnt how a Howler is sent. 

Apparently not.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, Kenma,” Kuroo whispered, mainly to himself. “I’m gonna do it.”

“Mhmm,” Kenma replied, barely paying attention. Kuroo had been saying that for the past half-hour. He had been saying similar things for the past  _ year _ . There’s only so long Kenma can pay attention for, before they gets distracted by the idea of figuring out how to get their game consoles to actually work in the damn castle. So far, Kenma has gotten their Gameboy to work- but nothing more. So they’re stuck using old versions of Pokemon to drown out Kuroo.

They wonder what kind of Pokemon they could get in Pokemon Go where they are. Maybe some Fairy types.

“All right,” Kuroo takes a deep breath. “I’m gonna do it.”

“Mmm,” Kenma is barely listening at this point. They just want Kuroo to do something already, so they can go hang out with Hinata. 

The very idea of Hinata Shouyou makes Kenma blush.

There’s a grunt from Kuroo, and then he turns to Kenma, exhilarated. “I did it!” he exclaims. 

“You sent Tsukishima that Howler?” Kenma asks distractedly.

“Oh no,” Kuroo mumbles, the colour draining from his face. “That was a  _ Howler _ ?”

Kenma finally looks up from their game to give Kuroo their best  _ you-are-an-idiot _ look (Akaashi’s been teaching them). “Of course it was a Howler- it was red.”

Across the Great Hall, someone swears, “Fucking Howlers.”

Kuroo pales even more- which Kenma didn’t think was even possible. Tsukishima has received his letter.

“I THINK YOU’RE CUTE!” Kuroo’s panicked voice booms from the Slytherin table. Kuroo slumps forward, burying his head in his arms. Kenma glances over at Tsukishima, whose face is bright red. 

They’ll be fine. 

Kenma goes back to their game.

“DO YOU WANNA GO TO HOGSMEADE WITH ME THIS WEEKEND?” Kuroo’s pre-recorded voice continues. Kenma spares a hand to pat Kuroo on the back.

 

* * *

 

Kenma finds their way down to the Slytherin common room later that week. There, curled together in an armchair that’s too small for their six foot frames, are Kuroo and Tsukishima. Kenma trails over to a chair next to them.

“Hey,” they greet quietly.

Tsukishima smiles a little at Kenma. 

Kuroo points at Tsukishima and obnoxiously yells, “LOOK AT MY BOYFRIEND!”

“Congratulations.” Kenma tells him. Then they turn to Tsukishima. “My deepest condolences.”

Tsukishima laughs as Kuroo whines, but says, “He’s not that bad; just needs to learn how to write letters that aren’t Howlers.”

**Author's Note:**

> obviously i did a hp!au- would i ever do anything else? 
> 
> in case it wasn't obvious, the houses of the characters:
> 
> Kuroo: Slytherin (is he a dork? yes. is he actually really nice? yes. is he sly little dork who's super loyal to his friends/teammates? yes)  
> Tsukishima: Slytherin (again, small group of loyal friends. also, really observant and makes his choices in the spur of the moment)  
> Kenma: Ravenclaw (not your typical ravenclaw- but super smart all the same)


End file.
